Party!

Sauerkraut Here!

I love to plan parties! Yes, I love to plan parties, love it! Most would agree that planning a party is fun, but for me it's bigger than that. When I hear the phrase "We should have a party" I can actually feel my blood race faster. My head explodes with grand ideas, and in a matter of seconds I can picture the end result, fabulous! For most a party is a gathering with a few close friends, possibly some balloons, some colorful paper plates, and a banner. No, not for me. In my mind a simple BBQ is grand occasion! I'm talking "Sweet Sixteen"/Kimora Lee Simmons type shit. In my mind every party needs over the top very creative invitations in several forms (Snail mail, email, text messaging, etc.), huge venues, a total transformation of the room (So much so, that when you walk in you feel like you're in another word, not the conference room at a hotel), a dress code (Everyone wheres white), balloons, food and drink that fit the theme of the party perfectly, party favors, etc. For example: Let's say I'm having a "Space Odyssey Party" here's some things I would do:

Space Odyssey Party

Invitation: They would look like rocket, UFO's, planets, etc.

Wear: A Space Suit
Party Favors: Globe Erasers, Rock Candy, Glow in the Dark star stickers for your ceiling stuffed into a paper coffee cup made to resemble a rocket.

Games: A bean bag toss. Create a space that resembles the solar system. Whoever tosses their bean bag the furthest from the sun, wins!

Food: A rocket cake with sparklers for the candles, rocket pops (Those stupid red, white, and blue Popsicles), etc.

Decorations: Fireworks!

You get the point. I go all out! This, in my mind is a party. If I could somehow plan parties for a living I would be so happy. If I could somehow make enough money so I could host parties of this caliber, I would be so happy. For now I will just wish really hard that my friends will make lots of money and call me when they plan to get married, celebrate their children's birthday's, wedding anniversaries, etc. Fuck I love this shit!

Not so secret:

Three things I would put on postcards and send in but I'm too swamped by final projects/papers:

1) This sounds totally conceited, but it's so fun being the hottest thing at the office.

2) I stopped wearing make-up, and I "caught" a fantastic man. Eat shit, Dad.

3) I love hearing my boss's mom call to see if she slept well. It reminds me of how much I love my mom.

Hello?

Sauerkraut Here!

I'm just wondering... am I the only person that posts on this fucking thing? That is all.

Hermit

Sauerkraut Here!

There are days when I want to wear crazy socks, baggy sweat pants, and hoodie sweatshirts. Days when I want and stay home with mass quantities of the perfect assortment of food. Days when I want to be alone and do nothing but rot my brain watching movies. Days when I want to be warm in my house. Today is one of those days.

Happy Halloween Bitches!

Sauerkraut Here!

Today is Halloween, the greatest day ever! You will never see me happier than I am on Halloween. Below are a few reasons why I love Halloween:

1. There are mass amounts of candy... everywhere! My personal favorite are candy corn pumpkins! I love these things and I eat them until I'm sick. Then, I eat some more because I know I will not have them until the next Halloween.

2. The weather is perfect! It's not so hot that you have to place paper towels under your tits to prevent the sweat stains for appearing on your shirt. But, it's not so cold that your leg hairs are growing back at a rapid pace.

3. As a small child I loved playing dress up. My favorite outfit was my slip. And although my mother wouldn't allow me to wear it out of the house, I could have! And no one would have said anything. Now that I'm well into my 20's I still have those same desires to walk out of the house dressed as a pea in a pod, but I can't. However, Halloween is the one day a year I can be whoever or whatever I want! This year I dressed up as Rosie the Riveter and Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. Not at the same time, two different nights. But! Here's an example of a great Halloween costume:

4. The after Halloween shopping! Every year on November 1st I spend I my day (Yes, I leave work) and I hit up all of the Halloween stores and buy a ton of stuff I don't need at 50% off! This year I'm hoping to find some jewelery and a few choice costumes:

5. For me Halloween is the last holiday of the year (I fucking hate Thanksgiving and Christmas!). So for me, it's my last chance to celebrate! After Halloween it's too cold to go out to the bars/clubs and the world is too full of "Be Merry and Bright" bullshit that I tend to hole up in my box (My apartment). Plus, it's so fun for me to see everyone's costume and wonder to myself "What made that person choose that particular costume?" Furthermore, I love watching people act like fools! I think they do this because a little part of them feels like they're not really embarrassing themselves, but rather the person they are dressed like. It's true! No one will remember that Bob barfed all over himself. What they'll remember is, The Caveman who barfed all over himself. It's great.

6. Halloween is all about death and ghosts! My number one fear is death, my number two fear, is ghosts. Although I'm terrified by both death and ghosts, I'm fascinated by them. I can't get enough ghost stories. Not fake ones, they must be real. And they must be told to me in the light of day, far from the location. It's a love hate sort of thing.

http://www.hauntedamericatours.com/toptenhaunted/toptenhauntedhouses/

http://www.prairieghosts.com/mosthaunted.html

7. It's just fun! It's fun to dress up. It's fun to pretend to be someone else for a day. It's fun to eat candy. It's fun to run around in the fall weather. It's fun to scare and be scared. It's just fun!

So, if you're a lame ass and you haven't done shit for Halloween. The day is not over, you still have a chance to participate. The best part... the real fun doesn't start until the sun goes down (Insert spooky laugh here)! Happy Halloween Bitches!

Posh's Top 5: or, Spicing Things Up

Sauerkraut, I am totally ready to wreak havoc on our hometown. I'm sure I will be in a foul mood as well, considering how my mother has YET to get a divorce. Perhaps I will inspire her, no? Okay, so, this blog feels a little drab...let's do a top 5 list of Posh's favorite time-wasters!

1) Postmormon.org. I was raised mormon, even went on a mission (gasp!) but have decided it's all a crock.



2) postsecret.com. I wish I had sent this in.



3) Ikea.com. Check out the "Malm" bedframe, in the espresso finish of course, to see my new bed. I'm moving out from el asshole and I's shared apartment, PS. Three more days!

4) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSIbfzK2spg. I cannot stop watching this video; Imogen Heap is a friggin' genius. Also, the clips of chinchillas taking dust baths are too cute.

5) Rocky Schenk's photography. http://www.rockyschenck.com/nupg2.html. Beautiful, haunting, black and whites.



And just as a footnote...craigslist "best of." That thing is a riot.

A Bloody Battle For Justice!

Sauerkraut Here!

I'd like to take a moment and bitch. For those of you who know me best, I don't share. I take that back. I share, but only some things, and with some people. You see there is no in between for me. It's either black, or it's white. I love you, or I hate you.

Example: If someone I love (Lets say Posh) asks me if she can borrow a towel, I say yes! Why? Because I love her. However, if Posh and I were eating at Chili's and she reached across and took a bite of my food I would probably try and stab her with my fork. Now if I hate you and you asked me to borrow a towel I would flash you a look so evil you'd think I was envisioning your murder in my head and the only thing I would lend you would be my body behind the wheel of a vehicle I planned to run you over with.


Why am I telling you this? Recently, my beloved grandmother shared the news that my cousins (John Popper and Paris Hilton) would be joining us for Christmas. To begin, I fucking hate Christmas! Second, I refuse to share my grandparents with this fuckheads! I know what you're thinking. "Why are you being so harsh? This is your family." I don't give a fuck! And here's why: John and Paris only contact my grandparents when the want something... Money. Other than that my grandparents never see or hear from these fuckheads. Now my grandparents defend them by saying "Well they live in Pumpkin, it's hard for them to make a trip to Tootsie Pop." Fuck that shit. I fucking live in Jolley Rancher and I manage to make a trip home to see them on a regular basis. Not only that I at least pick up the fucking phone and call them once a week, just to say "Hello!" Paris hasn't come to see my grandparents since 2000 and John Popper hasn't been to Tootsie Pop since 1996! The only time my grandparents see these fuckheads is when my grandparents go visit them! Then they stay stuffed in a hotel room until they take these fuckheads to dinner or the mall! Now, so you understand why I'm pissed? I refuse to share my grandparents with these fuckheads! I'm not going to let them steal my grandparents time, money, food, and most importantly my bed! When I go home, I do not stay at my mothers house, I stay at my grandparents house. That bedroom is known as my bedroom. It's always been my bedroom and it will always remain my bedroom. Although I hate fucking Christmas, my family knows I will be home for the holidays. So it is to be assumed that I will be staying at my grandparents house, because I always do. So, for my grandparents to tell these fuckheads they can stay at their house and sleep in my room, I will not allow it! Those fuck heads can get a fucking hotel! I'm so enraged that I have to share my family, my time, and my bedroom with these fuckheads. I don't want to see these fuckheads, I don't want to talk to them, I don't want to buy them a gift for a fucking holiday I don't support, I will not entertain them, and I will not pretend to be nice to them. I plan to destroy! I will get into a lot of arguments, I will receive a ton of slaps across the face for my smart ass comments, and maybe some dirty looks but I will win the battle! I will destroy!!!

*Posh - Prepare yourself! For I will be in the mood to raise hell in the land of Tootsie Pop and destroy all that get in my path! Prepare now! For we will battle for justice!