My Gay Friend

If you have ever spoken these words in this order…stop, stop now. I love that people are getting tolerant to homosexuality, I think it is a good thing, my question is are we getting too comfortable? I have a friend who introduces me as “My gay friend.” Immediatly two things happen. 1) she looks instantly trendy having her token gay friend 2)I have lost my identity.

Yes, I am gay. But there are other parts of me that I feel are way more important. Did you know I once put together an entertainment center using a butter knife, the Yellow Pages and a shoe? I’ll bet not. Did you know I love to sing and dance in the shower? Did you know I can change the oil, brakes, starter, and alternator on a VW? No. But these are all parts of who I am. Have you ever heard someone say “This is my mechanically inclined friend Jeff.” No because the ability to gap spark plugs does not make your friends look like she has evolved to the point that sexuality is no longer an issue. As a society have we come so far to accept homosexuality that we want gay people to surround us so we look open-minded, or hip? I will now publish the “owners manual” for straight girls who have a gay male friend.

1) No I wont go shopping with you

2) I don’t care how you look, and will lie to you like a straight man would

3) I don’t love musicals, don’t even ask me about them

4) I REALLY don’t want to see you naked, not even if you are just changing really quick (there is a reason I am gay)

5) Don’t say fag

6) You are not Grace, and I am not your Will

7) If I was straight we would still not date

8 ) I really don’t want everyone to know I am gay, so lets not yell things like “Do you think he’s hot?” “Is it hard to be gay in Utah” and so on. If we are going to get in a loud talking competition, lets take a trip to Pioneer Park, we can discuss the contents of your wallet.

9) I didn’t get a gaydar chip installed, so I don’t know

10) ”I have a gay friend you should meet.” Ok why? I am not sure if that just makes you a whore, but there is something called personalities, some don’t click. I hope you don’t have sex with every guy who is straight just because he exists. Next time you want to set me up, don’t.

I think that covers it. Questions, comments?